Students of Hester High:
Instead of “Beef of the Week,” I’d like to talk to you about getting dumped. It happens to most people – not me, so I’m not super familiar with how these things work. But a…friend of mine…was recently dumped by her idiotic jock boyfriend, and needed advice on how to make sure the very personal and secret things she told her ex…stay secret! Which, of course, I have outlined a step-by-step guide to help.
First, eliminate the evidence. Don’t be afraid to destroy any proof. Like, say you sent him an incriminating text. Go ahead and melt that sucker’s phone so no one else can see it EVER.
Second, figure out how to blackmail him. What would humiliate him most? Inappropriate pics in states of undress? They’re a cliché for a reason – they work. I also suggest grabbing a friend (what? I have tons of friends!) to help. The more people who know about the blackmail, the more effective it is.
Last, threaten him with public ridicule…or death. Because, yes, Tommy Ortega, I’m not afraid to hunt you down if you so much as THINK about any of the secrets I, I mean…my friend…has told you.
*editor’s note, Lauren is in no way endorsed by this blog and is still being forced upon us by Skwerkel
**brought to you by Skwerkel

Students of Hester High:

Instead of “Beef of the Week,” I’d like to talk to you about getting dumped. It happens to most people – not me, so I’m not super familiar with how these things work. But a…friend of mine…was recently dumped by her idiotic jock boyfriend, and needed advice on how to make sure the very personal and secret things she told her ex…stay secret! Which, of course, I have outlined a step-by-step guide to help.

First, eliminate the evidence. Don’t be afraid to destroy any proof. Like, say you sent him an incriminating text. Go ahead and melt that sucker’s phone so no one else can see it EVER.

Second, figure out how to blackmail him. What would humiliate him most? Inappropriate pics in states of undress? They’re a cliché for a reason – they work. I also suggest grabbing a friend (what? I have tons of friends!) to help. The more people who know about the blackmail, the more effective it is.

Last, threaten him with public ridicule…or death. Because, yes, Tommy Ortega, I’m not afraid to hunt you down if you so much as THINK about any of the secrets I, I mean…my friend…has told you.

*editor’s note, Lauren is in no way endorsed by this blog and is still being forced upon us by Skwerkel

**brought to you by Skwerkel

Vashti Nadira gives us breaking news on the future of our beloved Karmy.

Student journalist Vashti Nadira reports on the latest, unfiltered, and no BS news from Hester High.

KarmyWatch: An Inside Look At The Wedding

Hey Karmy Watchers!

We’re all still reeling from the emotional whiplash-inducing on-again-off-again break-up threesome drama of a few weeks ago, but this week there is MUCH LOVE to celebrate! We have the exclusive scoop on Karmy’s Weekend Wedding Shenanigans!

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Karma chose to wear a stunning vintage green number, perfectly complimenting Amy in her purple bridesmaids dress.

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Karmy thrilled the crowd and cleared the dance floor with a choreographed routine to Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up (clearly their song!!). It was a truly magical moment.

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And then when Amy toasted the marriage of her mother to her new stepdad, she was also clearly referencing her undying, eternal love for Karma and there was not a dry eye in the house. Karma and Amy are clearly as in love as ever and going strong!

Until next time Karmy Watchers!!

Principal Penelope Says Art Studio To Enforce Time Limits

Dear Hesterians:

Penelope here! I’m writing to inform you that after a single student managed to exclusively “book” the Art Studio for two weeks straight (ahem… a student who might be appropriately named Booker), we’re modifying the reservation requirements for the studio. There’s a new sign-up sheet outside with strict time limits that will be enforced.

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Sorry Liam, but whatever you were banging out in there, I hope it left you artistically satisfied, because you’ve used up your exclusive Art Studio time for the whole year!!

Sincerely,

Principle Penelope

Aftershocks

It’s been over two weeks since the temporary but traumatizing breakup of Karma Ashcroft and Amy Raudenfeld, and Hester is still emotionally recovering from the shock to its delicate system. 

Though Ashcroft and Raudenfeld have been going strong and are happy as ever, Hester students have been faced with the existential truth that love is fleeting, as is life. 

"It’s really made me think about my own mortality," said senior Jenna Richman. "If their love can die, it means I can too." 

"I’ve been through a lot of family issues," said sophomore Cody Goldfine. "Karma and Amy’s beautiful love helped me get through them. I ran away from home when they broke up, and I was gone for four days before I got word that they’d gotten back together. Its been a trying time." 

The lingering devastation has cast a pall over Hester, in a time when the school is plagued with questions. What are these whispers of pills taken by Lauren Cooper? And why has the art room been closed so frequently? 

But one thing is for certain — Vashti Nadira will get to the bottom of this. 

#tbt

#tbt

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